One afternoon, a young boy was enjoying a game of checkers with his grandpa on the back porch. Before long, he realized that he hadn’t won a single game. He spoke up and said, “Grandpa, you always win.” The grandfather responded and asked, “Well, you don’t want me to lose on purpose, do you? If I lost on purpose, you’d never learn anything.” The little boy looked back across the checkerboard and said with great passion, “But I don’t want to learn anything. I just want to win.”

There are so many people in life that don’t want to learn anything. They just want to win. They’ve not yet discovered that there is a relationship between learning something and winning. These individuals tend to focus on finding shortcuts. They constantly search for the easy way. They want to win. They want the medal. They want the trophy. They want the applause. But they don’t want to pay the price.

If you want to win, you must open your eyes, clean out your ears and surround yourself with successful people. Taking these steps will position you to discover their strategies for success. The Word of God is clear about our responsibility to learn and utilize what we learn in order to reach our full potential for the kingdom of God. Proverbs 18:15 says, “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.” It is no accident that God gave us one mouth and two ears. When we refuse to hear, we sabotage our God-given potential.

If we are going to win, we need to surround ourselves with successful people, close our mouths, and grab a notepad and a pen. We need to ask questions. We need to observe. Here’s why…successful people are not successful by accident. By discovering the key to their lives, we’ll discover the key to our lives as well. Pick an area that you’d like to win in. Find someone that’s been successful in that area. Spend 30 minutes with that person. Ask them questions. Listen intently to their answers. At this point, you’re ready to take their information and apply it to your own life. If you are willing to do this, your life will change…all because you took the initiative to spend some time with people that are successful and already winning at life.

When you spend time with these individuals, here’s what you should look and listen for: (1) Commitment. Never seek advice from someone who has trouble sticking with what they commit to. (2) Excellence. In many ways, excellence is a lost art. Connect with someone who gives 100% to what they do. (3) Integrity. It takes courage to create a meaningful life of integrity. It also requires good company and practice. Gossips and manipulators should be avoided. (4) Time Management. People who cannot effectively and efficiently manage their time shouldn’t be speaking into your life. (5) Attitude. Attitude is one of the most underrated qualities of character and integrity. It will literally make or break you. (6) Relationships. This is key. Don’t waste your time seeking relationship advice from people who burn relational bridges with everyone. If they struggle with relationships, move on. (7) Priorities. As believers, we must understand the proper order of our priorities. Christians should never seek the advice of those who are not washed in the blood and filled with the Spirit. (8) Solid Family Values. Family values are under attack. Do not allow someone with a poor view of family access to your mind and heart. (9) Energy. Seek wisdom and knowledge from those who wake up each day ready to move mountains and get things done. Never forget that there are two types of people in this world…those who make deposits and those who make withdrawals. Seek out those who bring positive energy every day. (10) Peace. It is vitally important to spend time with people who seek and value peace in their lives.

This process begins when you identify someone who has something you don’t currently have. The next steps are so important…ask…listen…learn. Your life is filled with people that you can learn from. The Bible is clear concerning those we should be emulating. Galatians 5:19-21 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

On the contrary, the Apostle Paul said, in verses 22 and 23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.” This is how you learn. This is how you win. The two cannot be separated.

There’s a story told of a psychologist who decided to visit a local prison for the purpose of conducting interviews with each inmate. He was working to complete his dissertation and the interviews would provide a basis for his thesis. As he interviewed the prisoners, he asked each of them the same question: “Why are you here?” Not one of those incarcerated individuals looked him in the eye and said, “I’m here because I messed up and it was my fault.” They all offered the same answer: “I was framed. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I’m the victim.” At the end of the process, the psychologist came to an astonishing conclusion. He determined that the largest group of innocent people he had ever encountered was in prison. The problem wasn’t the crime they committed…the problem was their unwillingness to accept responsibility for what they did.

There’s not a man or woman alive that hasn’t messed up. We’ve all done things wrong. We’ve all made stupid decisions. We’ve all made mistakes. But there’s a life-changing reality that must be accepted if we’re going to experience true victory and blessing in our lives. We must understand that growth and maturity occur only when we begin to take responsibility for who we are and for what we’ve done.

In Galatians 6:5, the Apostle Paul was very clear concerning personal responsibility. He said, “For we are each responsible for our own conduct.” This truth is simply not understood by many today. There are individuals in their 40’s and 50’s who still blame their parents for doing wrong things or failing to do right things when they were children. The issue with this mentality is that it reinforces a false helplessness. When we believe in our hearts that our lives are hopelessly doomed because of the past, or people, or circumstances, we give away our ability to bring about real change in our lives. While it’s true that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, we alone are responsible for who we become. Here’s the real question: “At what age will we figure out that we are responsible for who we are, where we are and what’s happening in our lives?”

Everything in your life depends on your ability to be responsible for yourself and your future. Every individual on this earth wakes up in the morning and decides the course of their day. We must determine the kind of person we want to be. It’s not Mom and Dad’s choice. It’s not our spouse’s choice. It’s our choice. These are the questions we’re faced with every single day:

Will I take personal responsibility for my choices?
Will I take personal responsibility for my attitude?
Will I take personal responsibility for my beliefs?

We must never forget that the most important ability is responsibility. Why? Because nothing positive will ever occur in your life until you learn to take responsibility for the person that you are and are becoming. You will never make a lasting impact on others until you take responsibility for the role that you fill in each of their lives. Nothing significant happens until someone steps forward and says…

You can count on me to be the husband that God desires for me to be.
You can count on me to be the wife that God desires for me to be.
You can count on me to be the employee that God desires for me to be.
You can count on me to be the church member that God desires for me to be.

We live in a culture that obsessively seeks out what others can do for them. Don’t ever forget that the best helping hand you’ll ever find is at the end of your own arm. Take responsibility for your own life, your own choices, your own circumstances. The alternative is to live a pointless life, filled with excuses. That’s a prison no one wants to live in.

I absolutely love college football. Some of my most cherished memories are the countless Saturdays I’ve spent watching the Georgia Bulldogs with my family. Like so many other families here in the South, we are not casual fans. As a matter of fact, each day of the week consists of many elements leading up to the big games each weekend. We love the many press conferences, call-in shows with head coaches and, of course, the Paul Finebaum Show is one of our absolute favorites.

One of the most frequent exchanges we’ve heard over the years has to do with conditions. As the season kicks off around Labor Day weekend, temps in the South are still quite warm. But, as we’ve seen this week here in Georgia, one cold snap in the first part of November changes everything. Coaches are often asked about how these types of conditions affect their team. “How will your team deal with the heat?” “How will your team deal with the cold?” “What about the rain forecasted for kickoff?” Aside from weather-related inquiries, there are always questions about injuries, home-field advantage and the benefits and disadvantages of playing an early game at 12:00 Noon in contrast to a night game that kicks at 7:00 PM.

We’ve witnessed so many head coaches give the same answer for these types of questions: “Both teams will have to deal with the (insert whatever condition you like here).” They’re not wrong. If it’s hot, both teams have to play in the heat. Same for the cold, the rain, the time of day and many other factors that impact the competition on the field. While there are a few conditions that favor or negatively affect one team or another, such as a star player being injured (I’m thinking of Brock Bowers), an extremely skilled head coach or home-field advantage, a lot of the conditions are the same for both teams.

This reminds me of something I believe has become a major problem in today’s society. Many people today can’t commit to winning in their life unless they know the conditions of their situation. Their first questions are, “What are the conditions?” “Do I have home-field advantage?” “Are the skies clear or will it be raining?” “Is it a warm night? Is it cold?” Simply put…too many people determine their ability to win on the conditions around them. They’ve formed a habit of saying, “The reason I’m not winning in this area of my life is because the conditions won’t allow me to be successful.” In Luke 14:16-20, Jesus shared a parable about a man who hosted a supper. He was subsequently rejected by those he invited.

16 Then He said to him, “A certain man gave a great supper and invited many, 17 and sent his servant at supper time to say to those who were invited, ‘Come, for all things are now ready.’ 18 But they all with one accord began to make excuses. The first said to him, ‘I have bought a piece of ground, and I must go and see it. I ask you to have me excused.’ 19 And another said, ‘I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I am going to test them. I ask you to have me excused.’ 20 Still another said, ‘I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.’

The New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982), Lk 14:16–20.

Here’s the simple truth: conditions have no bearing on whether we win or lose. It really all comes down to what we want to do. Do we want to win or do we want to lose? Conditions may affect your strategy but, to be successful in life, we must never allow our conditions to determine our outcomes. John Maxwell said it best…”The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The leader adjusts the sails.”

It’s heartbreaking to see so many people impacted negatively by their circumstances. What’s worse is how they let those conditions determine whether they win or lose. “I’ll be faithful to my wife, if the conditions are right.” “I’ll give my best effort on the job if the conditions are right.” “I’ll be on time if the conditions are right.” “I’ll love and support my church if the conditions are right.” How sad! So much of our commitment and dedication to our spouses, our families, our workplace and our churches is conditional. Loyalty seems to be a thing of the past. There are too many people limping around, missing out on the best life has to offer and the reason they give is that the conditions aren’t right for victory.

If you are not winning in your life, in your marriage, in your family, in your career, in your ministry, it is not because the conditions aren’t right. If you have no joy, your conditions aren’t to blame. If your life is filled with discouragement, depression and despondency…it is not because your conditions aren’t right. Victory is not dependent on conditions. Victory is dependent on your will to win or your acceptance of defeat. Some might say, “Pastor, that’s very black and white. Life just isn’t that simple.”

Think about this for just a moment…the world is run by many people who don’t “feel like it.” It’s not that their conditions are perfect. They’ve simply made up their mind that they’re going to be victorious. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 15:57 NKJV.

57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

The New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982), 1 Co 15:57.

God never promised us we’d never have to deal with adverse conditions. He never guaranteed us that we wouldn’t have to press through difficult circumstances. What He did was assure us that, through His Son, Jesus Christ, we will be victorious. I’m not sure what you’re facing today but I’d like to encourage you not to follow the fad of making excuses and blaming the lack of victory in your life on your conditions. We serve a God who is much, much bigger than the happenings around us. He stands ready to give you the victory you desperately need.

Great coaches not only resist excuses…they deplore them. They can’t stand the thought of blaming the heat, the cold, the rain, or the time of the game for why their team didn’t fare that well. Don’t settle for defeat. Don’t blame your conditions. Lift your head in faith and declare victory for your life. Stand on the Word of God, despite your circumstances. There’s only one condition that affects whether you win or lose. That condition was determined by the victory Jesus died to give you. Standing on His victory over death, hell and the grave…you simply cannot lose.

I need to tell you a question…I’ve heard those words from Becky more times than I could ever begin to count. She knew a question was supposed to be asked but where would the fun be in that. It was her unique way of letting me know that there was something we needed to discuss. It was usually a question…sometimes a bit of information that I didn’t have but…always special.

It’s taken me 28 days to get myself to a place where I feel like I can put into words what the last few weeks have been like. They have not been fun. The dynamic between myself and Becky is a bit difficult to explain. She was not my mother but she filled that role to the best that anyone else on this earth could have, especially since my Mom died 11 years ago.

Becky and I were always close, as far back as I can remember. To be honest, I’m not sure why. It just kinda happened. One of my most cherished possessions is an old home video, Thanksgiving 1987 to be exact. On that video, you can clearly see the bond that she and I shared as I walked up to her, put my arms around her, and she then embraced me. The running joke between her and my Mom, LaRue, was that I was Becky’s son too. I was good with that.

Anyone who knew Becky knew of her talent to play the piano and sing. This is not a familial endorsement. She could sing. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone affiliated with the Church of God in South Georgia for a substantial amount of time and they’ll tell you, not only of her talent, but of the anointing of the Holy Spirit that rested on her as she sang, “I Claim The Blood,” “That Same Spirit,” or “I Want To See Jesus.” Maybe that’s where things started. I loved music and so did she. We just hit it off…from the beginning.

I remember spending a great deal of time with my Mom and her family when I was too young to go with my Dad to broadcast high school and college sporting events. Those times solidified a bond that’s present even today. I remember waking up on a Saturday morning, me and Mom picking up doughnuts and hearing her call Becky and simply say, “Beck, we’re on our way with doughnuts. Put the coffee on.” Those Saturdays were special to me. They still are. Now, I’ve got to find a way to move forward knowing that most of the people who were present during those times and a million other times I don’t have time to share with you are now gone. There are a few family members left on that side of the family but not many…not near as many as there was in the beginning. That’s what hurts so bad. I feel like the family I began my life surrounded by are, for the most part, gone.

I’m 42 years old and, in that short span of time, I’ve had what I believe to be more than my share of loss. I remember speaking with my grandfather, Gene DeLoach, in the hospital not long before he passed. I was there when my great-grandmother, Adell Carter, passed in the early morning hours of February, 2001. I remember visiting my Uncle Barry in the hospital not long before he died. I remember praying with my grandmother, Hazel DeLoach, not long before she passed from this life into eternity just this past February. I remember the loss of my mother’s youngest brother Ronald. He passed from colon cancer at the age of 32. I was 9. I remember losing my mother’s oldest sister Uretha at the 51. Four years later, we lost my grandmother, Loney. Five years later, we lost my grandfather, F. J Barfield. Nine months later, we lost my Mom. Just this past May, we lost my mother’s oldest sister, Judy. Now, Becky is gone and my heart is shattered. Not only did I lose her but I lost the last piece of a core that was there every time I turned around as a child. A few weeks ago, I had a sobering moment. My sister looked at me and simply said, “We’re the grown ups now.” While this statement is certainly true, it reminds me that I now live in a world without them and that’s not something I ever wanted to do.

I learned to play the piano, in part, by watching Becky. I learned that cooking and good food brings joy into the lives of those you love from Becky. I learned about the importance of laughter from Becky. I learned the significance of humility and modesty from Becky. I learned the power of love and genuine concern for others from Becky. And, while my parents taught me all these things as well, Becky was also a large part of those principles coming to fruition in my life.

My phone hasn’t rang near as much in the last 28 days. I miss her calls. I miss her laugh. I miss her quips. I miss her. As hard as the last few weeks have been, I know in my heart that the days ahead will be even harder. Her birthday is coming up…October 10. She would have been 69. Thanksgiving will follow and so will Christmas and then the cold, rainy, lonely days of January will come right after. This is what true grief feels like. This is what it feels like to miss someone so much and not be able to change a thing.

But my goal is not to depress you today. My objective is to encourage you to reach out to someone today. Only you know who it needs to be. Life is short and the petty things we allow to come between us and the people we love don’t matter…not really. All we have in this life and on this earth is each other. That’s why it’s so important to pick up the phone and ask, “How is your day going? Do you know how much I love you?” Because when that person that means so much to you is gone, you’ll wonder, “Did I do enough? Did I say the right things that let her know how important she was to me?” That’s what matters. That’s what’s important.

I took a trip over to Vidalia yesterday and visited my Mom’s oldest brother, Johnny. We sat in his barber shop, got our haircut and we talked. Because of ministry and the calling on our lives, it’s not always been easy to get to his barber shop, but we made an extra effort today. I baked him a pound cake like Becky baked or as close as I could get to it. I took him a book about heaven that was a significant encouragement to me when Mom died. We talked and we laughed. It was a good day.

That’s what we have to do. We have to rise above the inconveniences and the pull of everyday life and make time to check on those we love, spend time with them, talk with them, listen to them. Life is short and we must make the most of each day to let those we love know just how much. I’m thankful for heaven and I know the ones I’ve already mentioned in this article are there today. I’m thankful I’ll see them all again one day. Nothing is more precious or more important than that. But the life we live on earth is all we have until we’re promoted to another world. All we have is each other until we see His face in person.

I didn’t make it to the hospital before Becky saw Jesus. But I have peace in my heart to know that, while I wasn’t perfect, I’m confident that I loved her and served her well. And, even in the midst of heart-paralyzing grief, I’ve been encouraged when I think about the fact that, yes, I’m sure she knew how much I loved her and still do. She knew because I told her. She knew because I showed her. So, as she would say, “Let me tell you a question,” who do you need to reach out to today?

John 6:66-69 says, “From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, ‘Do you also want to go away?’ But Simon Peter answered Him, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.'”

At this point in Jesus’ ministry, many were choosing to walk away. The truth being taught by the Messiah was too much, too difficult and too confusing to support for some. Somewhere, in the depths of their heart, they decided that they could no longer follow Christ on the path He was traveling. It should come as no surprise. Jesus Himself said that anyone choosing to follow Him should be prepared to deny themselves, take up their cross and follow Him (Matthew 16:24). Logic and reason are enough to deduct that not all who begin will finish. Still, I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I believe most people start out with a plan to cross the finish line. Most individuals in this world understand the futility of beginning a journey with no intention of reaching that journey’s destination.

To begin anything with no intention of completion is, by most if not all accounts, ridiculously pointless. It’s as meaningless as sitting in your car with no intention of inserting the key and turning the ignition. It’s filling a washing machine with water but refusing to place the dirty laundry inside the basin. It’s cooking a meal you never eat or running a bath you never sit in. It just doesn’t make sense. Still, many in that day, chose not to finish what they started.

Thousands of years later, you and I sit in our favorite chair. We open the pages of our favorite Bible and, whether intentional or not, we cast javelins of judgment on those who are obviously clueless when it comes to follow through and seeing their commitment through to the end. Sure, they may have made some good choices along the way but serving Christ for a bit doesn’t do you much good if you walk away in the end or, in this case, before the end.

As I think on some of the situations that have developed in my own life and the lives of those we know over the last few weeks, I’ve realized that I’m not as different as those who were confused in John 6 as I thought. Simply put, sometimes I just don’t understand what’s going on. Sometimes things just don’t make sense.

Today, some 321 miles north of where we live, there will be a celebration of life that I just don’t understand. Dr. David Blair was one of the most remarkable individuals I have ever met, not only in ministry, but in life itself. Christy and I had the privilege of working South Georgia Church of God Youth Camp under Bishop Blair’s direction on multiple occasions and, during that time, we encountered an amazing man of God who had a passion for the kingdom and for people, especially young people.

The last time we worked Youth Camp with Dr. Blair, Christy and I were in charge of Canteen. Our kids were young and, if you’ve ever worked a full week of Youth Camp, you understand how long the days can be. Knowing this, Dr. Blair issued a standing invitation to our youngest child, Conner, to ride with him on his golf cart around the campground as he fulfilled his obligations and responsibilities as State Youth Director. This meant the world to Conner. A golf cart is a big deal to a 3-year-old. It also meant the world to us. They’d drop by the Canteen to check in, grab a Yoo-Hoo and head out again. It was evident that, even though it might not always be convenient or easy for him, Dr. Blair made it his mission to bring joy to the lives of others and make a difference in the world around him. And that he did.

Just this week, my family remembered one of our own who faced cancer head on. My mother’s youngest brother served God. He was faithful. He believed God for his healing. But God, in His own wisdom, chose not to heal him on this earth. He was taken at the young age of 32. He would have been 65 this past Tuesday.

It’s been 11 years since I’ve spoken with my Mom. I’ll never forget the last time I saw her alive. After sharing a meal at her home, I walked over to where she was sitting, put my arms around her, told her that I loved her and walked out. The world changes when you lose your Mom. You feel lost. You feel like something is missing all the time. You feel like there’s someone else to share news with…always.

That’s why, at least for me, it’s so hard to understand why things happen the way they do sometimes. Contrary to the opinions of many, fairytales don’t always come true. Sometimes things don’t pan out like we plan or expect or hope. Sometimes the one we know is meant for us marries someone else. Sometimes the financial plan we have falls through. Sometimes the miscarriage occurs. Sometimes addiction wins in the lives of those we love. Sometimes the one we pray for isn’t healed. Sometimes life just stinks.

It’s an unmistakable fact. We can’t control life. But there is hope. While we cannot adequately and successfully orchestrate the circumstances we face, we can control how we deal with those circumstances and that…means…everything.

My heart is heavy for many families that I know who are hurting. Many families today are wrestling with confusion. They just don’t understand why things have panned out the way that they have. I must admit I’m wrestling with some of those same emotions. Like me, many of those families know the truth of the Word of God. They know the promises God has made to those who put their trust in Him. They understand the power of prayer and the power of speaking life into situations. But, if we’re honest, if we can remove our halo for just a moment and expose the true condition of our hearts, we’ll be able to admit that, even if only sometimes, we wonder, if God is so good, then why do things happen the way that they do.

I don’t understand why God chooses not to intervene in certain situations. I don’t understand why God chooses not to answer certain prayers while answering others. I don’t understand why our faith seems to fail at times when we chose to believe the promises of God and it didn’t seem to help at all. But I do know that God has promised to never leave us. I do know that He is intimately interested and involved in the smallest details of our lives. I do know that, even when we don’t understand, God, in His infinite wisdom, is orchestrating the events of our existence for His ultimate purpose. Do I stubbornly believe those things because I was raised and taught to believe those things? Am I just a product of my surroundings? No…and the reason that I know this is because I’ve also seen God move more times than I could ever attempt to count. Still, there are things I just don’t understand. So, I’ve chosen to believe that, even when we don’t understand His decisions, He is still worthy of our faith and trust. He is still our Father and He still loves us.

Peter said something in verse 68 that is significantly important. In response to Jesus’ question, “Do you also want to go away?”, Peter answered and said, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the Living God.” Peter knew that many were walking away. He knew that support was dwindling. But he also understood something that those who left did not. Peter understood that there was nothing, outside of Christ, worth pursuing.

This is the pivot point where faith takes reality head on. Yes, it is true, our prayers won’t always be answered. God won’t always do what we want Him to do or what we think He should do. We won’t always understand His methods and reasons. But He is God and we are not and, believe it or not, that is a good thing. The Bible tells us that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever and that is so unlike us. We are fickle. We change with the wind it seems. But not God. God is faithful. He is always present. He is always compassionate. He is always nudging us in the direction of our destiny in Him…even when we don’t understand.

There are many who scoff and lash out at God when life is at its worst. There are those who would ridicule believers and declare that tragedies prove His nonexistence. There are cynics who believe that, if God were so good, there’d be no hunger, no murder, no crime, no hatred, no injustice, no pandemics, no untimely deaths, no problems in the world. The presence of these issues spur them on to curse God and blaspheme His name and all for the purpose of proving that God Himself is a liar. But we know better.

We’ve determined to live for Him, learn from Him, trust Him and believe in His promises, no matter what we face in this life. We’ve resolved to follow Him all the way to the end. We’ve made a decision to serve Him, even when we don’t understand the decisions that He makes. His love is strong enough to dissolve our hurts, our confusion, our pain and our problems. He alone is enough.

I’d like to encourage you today to remember that we’re not supposed to have all the answers all the time. When we get home, maybe we’ll get some answers…maybe we won’t. God alone will make that decision. Until then, there will be moments of heartache. There will be moments of confusion. There will be moments of frustration and even anger. But He has promised to be with us every step of the way. He has vowed to walk with us, hand in hand, meeting our needs and healing our hurts throughout the course of our lives. And as Peter said, now that we know that He is God, now that we know that He is faithful, now that we know that, despite our confusion, He provides understanding, now that we know that He alone has the words of eternal life, now that we know that He is the Christ, the Son of the living God, where else would we go?

There’s an old saying that goes something like this…”Don’t wrestle with a pig.  You both get dirty and the pig liked it.”  Earlier today my family and I made a trip into one of our local cities for a doctor’s appointment and a few other errands.  It’s not uncommon for us to make a few shopping stops here and there on these trips because my wife happens to be the smartest and thriftiest shopper in all the land.  On one particular stop, the kids and I decided to wait in the car as she checked a couple of places for things she needed.

After only a few minutes, another family pulled into the parking space next to us and prepared to enter the store themselves.  By this time, my beautiful wife is making her way back to our vehicle just in time to notice that the matriarch of this family decided to toss her used tissue into the exposed bed of my truck.  After sharing with me what she witnessed, I immediately became frustrated and shocked when I considered the guts and gall of this individual and their contentment to do such a thing.  I stepped out of the truck, looked into the bed and, sure enough, the crumpled evidence sat there baking in the sun on a hot July afternoon in Georgia.  I watched that family walk into the store and, fortunately for me, the Holy Spirit and the still small voice of my wife persuaded me to keep my mouth shut and just let it go.

Romans 12:17 says, “Repay no one evil for evil.  Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.”  When we are wronged by another, we believe in our heart that a debt is now owed to us.  It’s just human nature.  That debt could be an admission of wrong, an apology that consists of asking for forgiveness or even restitution.  Trust me when I say that, in my flesh, I wanted all three!  But, as is the case most of the time, the advice of the Holy Spirit and my wife sounded much more plausible and beneficial than what I had in mind.

If I had challenged this individual about their actions, there is no doubt that they would have become defensive, if not indignant, shocked even that I would dare confront them about a perceived wrong which, by clear evidence was not perceived at all but factual in every way.  Because of the fact that I passed the exit to calm and serenity five minutes earlier, their refusal to admit their fault may have pushed me over the edge.  This would have no doubt led to an escalated incident from which nothing good could ever come.  Could you imagine the headline?  LOCAL PASTOR ARRESTED FOR SCUFFLE OVER DISRESPECTFULLY DISCARDED USED TISSUE WHICH POSSIBLY CONTAINED COVID-19!  Perish the thought.

It’s important to remember that our words and actions speak louder than we think.  This truth applies to everyone…yes, even Christians.  I could have proven a point…made a big deal out of things…showed myself…but at what cost?  I do believe that we should stand up for ourselves.  I do believe we should stand up for what is right.  I do believe that there is a time and a place to confront people in love and make an effort to right possible wrongs and injustices.  However, as the Holy Spirit and my wife have taught me, it is futile, pointless and detrimental to wrestle with pigs.

When all is said and done, it’s just a tissue and no doubt registers extremely low on the scale of offenses and grievances.  There are people in this world that are dealing with problems and issues that dramatically change the skyline view of their future.  The tissue issue may be small but the solution remains the same no matter the size of the offense.  A couple of verses later, in verse 19, the Bible says, “Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

I’m not sure how that verse translates into my particular situation today.  Maybe the convicting power of the Holy Spirit will reveal to this individual how disrespectful it is to toss their trash into someone else’s vehicle.  Maybe the recompense will be that this person’s children will grow up realizing that their parent, their role model, their mentor is selfish and thinks only of themselves.  Maybe someone will toss their own brand of trash into their vehicle.  However it plays out, I know that, by choosing to say nothing, I will be able to sleep at night, knowing that I extended mercy to someone who really got my blood boiling.  I chose not to take the bait of offense and launch into the mud with someone whose standards are clearly low and probably would have loved the opportunity to tussle with someone.  After all, people who toss their trash into other people’s vehicles are real stand-up folks.

Stand up for right.  Stand up for what you believe in.  Confront wrongs where you think it’s right to do.  But don’t get sucked into the pit.  If it’s an issue the Lord is not releasing you to handle, let Him handle it.  There are pigs waiting for a good mud-wrestle.  It’s not worth what you’ll look like when it’s over.

I love Sundays!  It’s one of my favorite days of the week.  Our Sundays usually begin early as we prepare for a full day of worship here in our local church.  We have two services each weekend so there’s a lot of prep work that goes into those worship experiences, both throughout the week and day of.  Our normal routine usually consists of lunch together as a family after our morning service.  We then return home to rest up for our second service.  This past Sunday, January 26, Christy and I had just settled down for a nap and I received a notification on my phone with news that I didn’t want to hear and could not believe.

I love Sundays.  But not this one.

I still remember Kobe’s rookie season.  It was the year I met my wife.  He was 18…we were 16…and it was amazing to watch someone so close to our age begin to take the NBA by storm.  It was just as fun to watch him collect 5 NBA Championships, 2 NBA Finals MVP Awards, 18 trips to the NBA All-Star Game, 4 of which awarded him MVP and a Slam Dunk Contest Champion status for good measure.  To say that we were saddened to hear of the helicopter crash that took his life, his daughter Gianna’s life, and seven others, is an understatement.

Over the last few days, there’s been a cloud of sadness hovering over our hearts.  We are saddened by the fear those on board must have felt.  We are saddened by the devastation their loved ones now feel as they attempt to move forward without them.  We are saddened by the prospect of what would have been had these nine individuals not been taken so suddenly and so tragically.  We are saddened by the reality of our own mortality.  Life is unfair and uncertain.  Bad things do happen to good people and it doesn’t seem right.  When tragedy strikes, there’s a feeling of inadequacy as we ponder how helpless we are.  If only we could change the diagnosis…reverse the process of death…prevent the car crash…or helicopter crash.

Unfortunately, there are no easy answers when it comes to why tragedy occurs or who it affects and the uncertainty is unending.  It’s true that no one is promised tomorrow.  Solomon, considered to be the wisest man who ever lived, said in Proverbs 27:1, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth”.  Good advice…not very comforting.

If we’re not careful, life’s uncertainty can shut us down.  It’s very easy to find ourselves in a defensive stance, raising every wall imaginable, in hopes of shielding and protecting ourselves and our loved ones from any form of destruction.  But that’s not how God called us to live.  Instead, the Word of God teaches us to build our lives on the foundation of hope and faith in God.  While this strategy for life doesn’t exempt us from hard times, it does position us to navigate the difficulties of this life with a hope and a strength many simply do not know.

We must make a conscious decision to make the most of every day.  That decision will give us purpose.  It will bring us perspective.  It will eliminate the unnecessary.  When tragedies like this take place, it should recalibrate our focus in life.  Our desire should be to honor God with our lives every day, all the while making the most of every opportunity to love those in our lives and tell them so.  But this seems to be a struggle.  Life has a way of bogging us down in worries, frustrations, pride and strife, sometimes to the point of forgetting how blessed we are.  We foolishly get caught up in a web of attempts to prove ourselves right.  We boast of superior knowledge, more experience, higher accomplishments and greater possessions.  But none of that matters because when life is over, it’s over and the time we have with the ones we love can never be regained on this earth again.

No one cares if you’re right, and allowing relationships to be destroyed in the process of trying to prove it, is wrong.  That’s ironic.  You can stay at the nicest hotels, drive the most elaborate vehicles, live in the finest houses, take the nicest vacations, have the most envied job and pad your bank account with all the finances you can collect, whether ethically or unethically, but there will come a day when those things won’t matter anymore.  You can’t take it with you.  The simple truth of the matter is that when we care more about ourselves, our possessions, our pride and our pursuits than the people in our lives, we’ve started down a wrong road.

Pride and misguided passion has caused many a relationship to go south.  Sometimes, it’s best not to share our opinion.  As much as it devastates us, people aren’t nearly as interested in our opinions as we think they should be.  Relationships are more important than being right.  People are more important than our pride.  Peace is more important than our ego.  We shouldn’t attempt to answer questions we weren’t asked.  The answers that we attempt to provide for people’s problems aren’t nearly as important as our presence in the midst of their problems.  People usually don’t want our advice.  They just want relationship…friendship.  There are lifetime principles that will never change…how you treat people matters.

Christy and I have been amazingly blessed in our lives.  We are healthy and happy.  We have two children that are healthy and happy.  We have a dog that we all love unashamedly.  We have family.  We have friends.  We have dependable vehicles, a beautiful home, daily fulfillment as we pursue our callings in life as a pastor and an educator and a little money in the bank.  We’ve met some of the most remarkable people in the world, from sports celebrities that perform on television daily for years to church members most people in this world have never heard of, even though they’re responsible for making a massive difference in the local church for a community and an eternal impact for the kingdom of God.  We’ve met great pastors who have become family.  We’ve cruised to Mexico, swam with dolphins in the Bahamas, seen more concerts than we’ll ever remember and spent countless vacations with a mouse named Mickey.

We are blessed.  But my prayer is that we never allow our blessings or our pursuit of them to cause us to be the type of people who see other people as expendable…insignificant…unimportant.  I can honestly say that Christy and I both feel the same level of passion when it comes to people.  We both desire to be a true friend.  We want people to know that they can call on us if they need us or they simply want to talk.  We want people to feel comfortable in our home.  We want people to feel comfortable around us.  We want people to know they are loved by us.  We strive to always remember that people are the most important investment in life we can make.

We also repeatedly remind ourselves to keep the main thing the main thing here in our home…our desire is not simply to love each other but love each other well.  With no promise of tomorrow, my goal today is to be the best husband and dad I can be.  We can’t control the future but we can control the passion with which we enjoy the time we have together.  We experience life much like everyone else.  Married couples argue from time to time.  They disagree.  But I’m thankful for the love that God gave Christy and myself.  It lasts.  It endures.  That is something to be thankful for.  Raising two kids, ages 14 and 11, is not always easy.  We’re learning as we go.  Sometimes we butt heads with them.  Part of the process I guess but those two kids are our favorite two kids in the world.  We’d rather be with them on a Friday night than anyone else.  And that is something to be thankful for.

Speaking of Friday night, we’ll sit down together later tonight and watch the first Laker game since Kobe’s passing.  I’m sure we’ll shed a few tears and offer a few prayers for the Bryant family and the families of the other victims.  We’ll be thankful that we have each other and make a few more memories.

This Sunday night, we’ll watch the Super Bowl together.  We’ll eat.  The commercials will cause us to laugh until we cry.  We’ll spend time together and I’ll be reminded again why I love Sundays.